Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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