he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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