last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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