I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize