At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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