Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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