whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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