wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I deserve this hangover.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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