I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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