i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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