I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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