I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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