im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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