i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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