smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize