Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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