Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is my gift to your gina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize