I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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