is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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