In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize