So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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