If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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