Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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