smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize