I didn't shave. On purpose
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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