he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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