okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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