found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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