third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize