Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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