just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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