Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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