I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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