he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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