I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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