dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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