She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize