So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize