I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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