trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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