Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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