Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize