my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Come on in and take your pants off
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