I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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