You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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