he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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