I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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