i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
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Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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