She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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