my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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